Getting married before the age of 25 comes with a divorce rate of over 60%. And I got married one week before my 25th birthday, right in the danger zone.

When I’m nervous, I get sassy. Once I was pulled over by the police for an RBT and was so nervous that when they asked me if I’d consumed any drugs or alcohol tonight I told the officer that I’d only done a “little bit of heroin”.

If you’ve ever seen me driving anywhere and I haven’t seen you (first of all you’re a creep, stop watching me when I’m not aware) but secondly, chances are you’ve witnessed me looking mad serious, singing to myself. 

Today was a bad day for me. People wonder why I don’t tell them things about my life; moving, having babies, getting married, and it’s because I’m superstitious and I think it jinxes things to talk about them

“You’re fucking with a savage … and it’d be nice of me to take it easy on ya, but nah”, are the words to Demi Lovato’s perfect pop hit, Sorry Not Sorry. And holy shit do I relate to that song. 

I tried to grab your attention with this blog title, hoping you'd think it was some intriguing online confession to adultery, but unfortunately it's not

Words rule. I like to say words to people that they probably wouldn’t usually use and then see if they use them back to me, it makes me feel like I have psychic power over them.